Blind Hope
by Keiko Oda
Summary: She's blind and has leukemia. He's a rebel and couldn't care less. She treasures life. He hates it. Shes Mikan. He's Natsume. NxM
1. Prologue

**Author's Note 10/9/2006: **Another Gakuen Alice fan fiction, I dont have any ideas for my other fan fictions that are unfinished but I was able to cook up another idea. I hope you like it! By the way, the characters here are graduating high school but they don't study in the academy…it's a different story…

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Gakuen Alice.

**Blind Hope**

XXX

**P**R**O**L**O**G**U**E

XXX

A chestnut colored haired girl sat in the waiting room of her doctor's clinic, she was silent and the only sound that she could hear was the faint sound of music coming from the stereo, the sound of pens scribbling hastily on clipboards and the sound of wheelchairs, magazine and newspaper pages flipping and…ambulances.

When was the last time she rode one? Probably a year or so…? She couldn't remember, because all she saw was blackness that lasted forever.

She smiled weakly to herself. "Now I remember" she muttered softly, she adjusted her black sunglasses and recalled that fated day…

**F**L**A**S**H**B**A**C**K**

"_Mikan! Come back here! The traffic light will go green for the cars any moment now, there's no time to get your bag! Mikan! Don't be an idiot!" _

"_Hotaru, please! My bag has all my essentials in it! And anyway, I believe I'm a fast runner!" Mikan cried, pulling her wrist out of Hotaru's grip – who was trying to prevent her from running across the road to go back to her house and fetch her bag. The traffic light will go green any time now. _

_5…_

"_Hotaru! I know what I'm doing!" Mikan yelled, as Hotaru held her wrist once more._

_4…_

"_Mikan…you're such an idiot!"_

_3…_

"_HOTARU!" Mikan yelled, finally freeing herself from the grasp of her best friend. She dashed across the street, hoping to make it to the sidewalk where her house was. _

_2…_

_She ran as fast as she can…_

_1..._

_Then fate hit her…_

_A truck, to be precise…_

"_MIKAN!" _

E**N**D** O**F** F**L**A**S**H**B**A**C**K **

"Mikan Sakura?"

The girl looked up, although she couldn't see anything. She could definitely tell that it was the nurse. She could smell lavender perfume and medicine, she could also feel the coldness of the stethoscope that was hanging on the nurse's neck. Yep, it was definitely her.

"Yes?"

"Dr. Hyuuga will see you now"

Mikan picked up her pink walking stick as the nurse led her to the doctor's office. As she sat down on the comfortable arm chair, she could hear soft oldies' music play on the radio, she could smell antibiotics, men's perfume and old medical books.

"Mikan Sakura…"

"That's me…"

"Diagnosed with cancer?"

"Leukemia, to be specific"

"And how long have you had it?"

"For as long as I can remember. Actually, I cannot remember. It seems to distant for my memory to recall. But everyday, I get more and more exhausted. I don't need chemotherapy or any other treatment, I just need a way to keep my mind off it"

"Have you ever smoked or drunk alcohol excessively or something?"

"No. My mother had it, I'm not sure but it's probably hereditary. Please, I'm not very well…something you could call "smart" in the medical world,"

"I'm so tired" Mikan continued.

The doctor had extreme pity for Mikan. He knew that she was blind, by the looks of her and she appeared in the newspaper on the day she got hit by the car. The driver was drunk and couldn't see where he was going, poor Mikan. A chain of misfortunes must be stressful, and yes – she did look tired. Very tired. She said she didn't want chemotherapy and such, but all she needed was to smile. It looked like she hadn't for a very long time. All she needed was to be happy.

Mikan was silent, then she heard the door open and then bang. The acrid smell of cigarettes, beer and an expensive leather jacket suddenly filled the room. It was the smell of punk, rebellion and motorcycles.

"Damn it, dad! Why the hell wont you let me into that party they're having tomorrow?"

"Because Natsume, all you'll do is get drunk, go drag racing and then smoke afterwards" replied Dr. Hyuuga

The boy who entered banged his fists on the coffee table in front of Mikan.

"I'll let you go, but only if…you bring this girl out"

She felt the boy's eyes glue on hers.

"GOD! What did I do to deserve to baby sit some freakish geek?" Natsume muttered softly.

"Natsume, take her out – damn it! If you were blind and had leukemia you'd want to be taken out and be happy"

"Natsume" fell silent. He cursed and grunted.

"Come on, let's get going" he said, thrusting her walking stick on her.

Mikan stood up, and felt her way through the door.

"This is going to be one hell of a day…"

XXX

**Author's Note 10/9/06: **That's the end of chapter one! Please review! I'm going to update it as soon as I get at least five reviews. Flames not accepted but constructed criticism welcomed. Feel free to PM (Private Message) me for any comments or suggestions. Thanks!


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note 10/12/06: **Another update! I haven't given any thought to what the title of this chapter may be, so I'll just name it "Chapter Two". Haha. Thanks for reviewing the past chapter, I really appreciate reviews. Hope you like this chappie!

**Disclaimer: **If I did own GA, I wouldn't be writing this fan fiction now, would I?

XXX

**Chapter Two**

XXX

The two walked out of the clinic silently. What a gentleman! Mikan thought sarcastically as Natsume didn't even bother to open the door for her. For Mikan, it was like a wild goose chase – she wasn't able to see Natsume and he was as quiet as a mouse. For Natsume, it was like trying to get rid of some naïve kid who was following him. Well, they found each other anyway…

BUMP!

Mikan tripped over what seemed like leather boots. She fell on that person. She was utterly embarrassed. As she felt for her walking stick, she managed to find out that it was Natsume. She could feel the texture of the expensive leather jacket, a cigarette box and soft black hair. Yep.

"Geez! Get off me!! This is a public place you idiot, people are staring – oh wait, I forgot! You're blind!!" Natsume said, pushing Mikan up.

"Well, I'm sorry for not being perfect!"

"And I'm sorry that you wear polka dot panties at your age!!"

Mikan realized that she was wearing a mini skirt. Oh hell no.

"YOU PERVERT!" Mikan yelled. As she clung onto Natsume (who tried his best to shake her off). She realized that the surroundings around her changed. The smell of alcohol, beer, smoke & motorcycle gasoline filled the air. The earsplitting sound of metal and rock music set to full blast in the volume level seemed to have broken her eardrums and the sound of billiard balls being hit. Natsume sat her down on a stiff wooden seat as she heard him walk away.

"One beer"

"Oh! You're drinking again, huh?" Mikan's high pitched voice yelled. The bar fell silent.

"And who's this?" a malicious voice echoed throughout the bar.

Mikan bit her lip. Was what she said wrong? What would happen?

"Yuudai" Natsume muttered from where he was.

Yuudai. Nobody knew what his family name was, since he kept things secretive. His hair was dyed silver and he wore a leather jacket just like Natsume. Everything that he wore was leather and he wore thick black mascara.

"Who brought this cute little lady?" his voice was like toxic, poisoning the ears of Mikan. She felt unsafe now.

"Me" Natsume grunted, and gulped down his beer.

"Oh? Natsume has a girlfriend? But I thought you're a playboy, Natsume. Picking up girls from anywhere and everywhere, hmm?"

"Oh shut it. She's not my girlfriend, just some patient of my dad."

"So you don't mind if we take her out for a spin in the motorcycle?"

Natsume hesitated. Should he let them? What if she gets hurt? What if she dies from a motorcycle accident? Or worse, what if his dad finds out and he'll be the one to die. What the hell is wrong with life? But why should he care about her?

"Yeah, sure…whatever" he nodded, and drank some more beer.

The group with Yuudai took Mikan. Who was absolutely in shock. How could Natsume let her ride on some motorcycle with people she doesn't even know? This could be a hell ride. She couldn't scream, her voice was gone – was her condition that she was in now some limitation? She couldn't stop them. She felt the motorcycles 'roar' and their engines start…and yes, Natsume heard it too.

**F**L**A**S**H**B**A**C**K **

"_I'm going to get my own car and there's nothing you can do about it!!" _

"_Natsume! You're only seventeen! You're too young!!" _

"_Oh God, dad! People my age are driving by now!! I'm not a kid forever, so just deal with it!!" _

_NATSUME'S POV_

_I remember, I remember walking angrily across the street. I was drinking beer. Yeah, I drank six bottles in a row that day. I happened to see a man driving a truck. He was delivering some kind of food to the grocery store…_

_I remember kicking him out of his own vehicle_

_Before that, I bought another bottle of beer._

_After that, I don't remember anything…_

**E**N**D **O**F **F**L**A**S**H**B**A**C**K

I jumped out of my seat. Why was I so worried? Why did I feel obliged to save Mikan from something that was about to happen again? Something that I caused…but I don't remember what...

I ran outside the bar, Mikan was being forced to ride the motorcycle.

"HEY!! SHE CAN'T RIDE THAT MOTORCYLCE!" I shouted. Why did I care so badly? It was like I had a debt to pay to her and my karma.

"Oh? Since when did you care so much about her?'

Since I had that flashback. I thought to myself. It wasn't exactly in my memory all this time – but then it suddenly popped in. I don't even remember doing it.

"GET HER OFF, DAMN IT!!"

XXX

"Are you sure, you're alright, Natsume?" Mikan asked me, as she stared into the black eye I received from the fight that happened about five minutes ago.

"Whatever. Just shut up. You've caused me enough trouble today"

"Hey, Natsume? You want to have lunch with me tomorrow? You know, you protected me awhile ago and I just want to show my gratitude"

"Whatever"

"Okay, I have to go now. I can catch a bus by myself. See you!" Mikan smiled, and walked to the bus stop.

That flashback

Was weird…

But somehow

I feel

Something better than beer

Is going to happen…

XXX

**END OF CHAPTER**

**Author's Note**: Hoped you like this chapter! In the upcoming chapters, you will see how everything is connected. Mikan and Natsume are connected in some way but they just don't know it!! Haha!! I'll try to update ASAP. Please review


	3. Cherry Blossom

**Author's Note 10/13/06 – **Hey people! Another update! Ideas keep on flowing into my head. **Thanks for all the reviews people, you know who you are!** Anyway, hope you like this chapter!

XXX

**Chapter Three: **Cherry Blossom

XXX

"I don't know why I let you talk me into this" Natsume grunted, as he and Mikan walked to the park. He had to admit to himself and nobody else, that she looked quite okay with what she was wearing. Her brown hair was let down and she was wearing a yellow dress and blue shoes…he grunted and turned away from her and continued smoking.

They got to the park. The scent of flowers and trees flew in the air. Natsume almost gagged at the scent of "happiness" while Mikan inhaled the fresh air and exhaled with satisfaction. "Natsume, find a spot where we could have the picnic"

"Why don't you set it up by that trash can?" Natsume smirked with sarcasm.

"Oh shut up, Natsume. I think I can smell the scent of a cherry blossom tree. Maybe we can set up the picnic there"

She followed the scent of the cherry blossoms, and when the scent was already set to her level of satisfaction, she put the picnic basket down and felt for the mat. She laid it on the ground and took the food out.

Natsume watched as she put out a container of tempura, rice, chicken teriyaki and many more others that he couldn't name since he was distracted by the delicious presentation.

"I made it myself" Mikan smiled with pride as she took out the chopsticks.

"Well better have the paramedics ready in case I have food poisoning"

"Oh shut up, Natsume" Mikan responded, taking his hand and placed chopsticks on it. "Now eat" she smiled.

Natsume sampled each of the meals Mikan prepared. He had to admit that it was certainly delicious, compared to cigarettes at least. He hadn't had this kind of meal for ages, and he missed it but he was too stubborn to go to a decent restaurant and order a meal since he spent too much time drinking.

The tempura and the sweet tasting chicken teriyaki melted in his mouth, the fish that she had prepared wasn't bad either.

"Is it yummy?" Mikan asked, after ten minute's of silence.

Natsume grunted.

"I made dessert also. It's strawberry custard, is that okay with you?"

He grunted once more.

Mikan shrugged and took out the strawberry custard. It looked tempting. It was strawberry pink with a white creamy surface and a strawberry on top. He hesitated and took the strawberry custard, it was better than the food at the bar he always hung out in. He finished it in ten seconds and put it aside.

"It seems to me that you enjoyed it" Mikan grinned.

"Well, it's okay. **Considering it was made by a blind person" **

"Hey! I put a lot of effort in to that!" Mikan said, making a fist at the boy. He smirked at the way her face flushed with red when she would get pissed off. She cooled down and smiled weakly.

"Natsume, what made you become a rebel?" Mikan asked, out of the blue.

"Why are you asking? It's none of your business!"

"Oh come on! Please tell me! I'll tell you why I became blind!"

Silence.

"Why are you a rebel?" Mikan questioned.

"I forgot why, damn it" Natsume responded. Honestly, he really forgot. The only thing he remembered was walking into a bar and drunk the night out. Every night, that was his routine – to go into that same bar and drink the hell out, it never helped and that just made the condition that he was in (although he didn't know what condition he was in) much more miserable.

"Why are you blind?" the boy asked, turning to Mikan.

"A truck hit me" Mikan smiled, recalling that day. After that incident, she couldn't remember anything else except that memory. Hotaru and some other friends had to help her remember her past memories. But whenever she tried to remember something, that day of her brush with death always popped into her mind. And whenever she thought of that, it was bittersweet. She had no idea why she felt no anger or regret…

Natsume gulped. For some reason, he didn't know why he had a connection with that truck driver.

"So, who are your best friends – Natsume?" Mikan said, changing the topic.

"I had a best friend, Ruka. Although we haven't talked since I started smoking, drinking and drag racing. He's the goody-goody boy. Ugh. He disgusts me"

"Maybe the reason why you keep on drinking and such, is that because you have no friends…"

"Oh shut up. Don't act like you know me so well"

"Well sometimes, I feel that we've known each other for a long time"

"Psshhh. Whatever"

Mikan smiled as she put back the plates and the empty containers of food back into the picnic basket, then she felt a smooth brush against her arm. It was a cherry blossom. She inserted it in her pocket. She didn't know why but whenever she talked to Natsume, she remembered a cherry blossom.

**F**L**A**S**H**B**A**C**K **

_Mikan's POV_

_I woke up from bed, I looked at my six-year-old self at the mirror and walked to the living room. Grandpa was there watching television and sipping tea._

"_Good morning, grandpa!" I said cheerfully, giving him a hug. I noticed that there was a small note on the floor. _

"_What's that?" I asked, pointing at it. _

"_Oh…one of your friends came here and told me to give that to you…then he left without a word. He looked sad and angry" _

_I picked the letter up and opened it: _

_**Mikan**_

_**I am going to Tokyo. I'm sorry.**_

_I threw the note aside, I can't remember who wrote it. But it felt like that person was held precious in my heart for a long time. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I ran back to my room, I ripped the note apart and cried my eyes out and fell back to sleep again. _

_When I woke up, I saw that the writer of the note had stuck a cherry blossom petal on the paper. I picked the cherry blossom and cried again. _

**E**N**D **O**F **F**L**A**S**H**B**A**C**K

I opened my eyes, I felt a tear stream down my cheek.

That was the first time I had recalled that memory. I looked around for Natsume, he had already left, I felt the cherry blossom petal that I placed in my pocket and another tear rolled down my eye.

And as I recalled that heart breaking memory, I think I know who wrote that letter.

XXX

**Author's Note 10/15/06: **Hope you like chapter 3! In each chapter, a new memory unfolds. Although I won't spoil anything for you, dear readers! Just keep reading! Hope you enjoyed chap 3!


	4. Ride of Her Life

**Author's Note: I'm in desperate need for SONGS**. Please give me any suggestions of songs that fit Mikan and Natsume or my story. I'd really appreciate it. Thanks for reviewing my last chapter!!!

XXX

Chapter Four: **Ride of Her Life **

XXX

_Mikan's POV_

_10:24 am _

I was delighted by the sound of galloping, the smell of lush green grass and carrots. I led myself to the stable and took out the animal inside. I felt its hair and smiled "White Castle"

White Castle – he's my horse, well not exactly mine – I go to his stable every week and pay him a visit. According to the description of some people, he's white. I have never ridden him, but it's my goal that I will. I took out an apple from my bag and offered it to him, he accepted it and ate it in one bite. I love White Castle.

"This is stupid" Mr. Negativity commented – or should I say, Natsume?

I forced Natsume to come with me since the owner of White Castle told me that I can only ride him if somebody's riding with me. White Castle's owner couldn't ride with me since he's busy attending to other customers who'd like to ride Black Ninja or some other horse.

"I hate horses" Natsume said, taking a gulp of his beer. He was drinking…AGAIN. It pissed me off.

"Well, I can only ride White Castle if somebody rides with me. Hotaru's too busy to bother coming all the way here just to ride with me, White Castle's owner is busy as well and everybody's too busy!! You, on the other hand are just busy smoking & drinking – so I guess that you can come with me" I said, taking Natsume's hand and pulled him.

"No way am I going to ride some horse…especially with you!!!"

"NATSUME! PLEASE!" I begged, taking hold of his arm and pulling it like some five-year-old girl who wants to ride on the merry-go-round. I've been only blind for two years, but I don't remember how long I've had leukemia, I think three years. I'm not sure. But I do know that my cancer has been keeping me from my passion of riding horses.

I missed it, so.

_Natsume's POV_

I really hate horses.

I hate the way they neigh. The way they trot or gallop, the way they slobber all over your hand if you offer them food. I think I had a bad experience with a horse once. Don't think that I'm scared of them. They just remind me of Mikan. And that's not a really nice thing to remind you of.

I sat down on the bench beside the stable & took out a fresh cigarette. I took out my lighter and lit it up and sighed with satisfaction. I watched that moron feel around for a brush for that damn horse and brushed its hair. She's so stupid.

She smiled weakly as she felt the mane and rubbed her eyes, as if she was crying. I stopped, wait she is crying!! She removed her black sunglasses and wiped her eyes. What the hell was wrong now?

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I asked, removing my cigarette from my mouth and stepped on it. I walked up to her as she sat down on a stool beside the horse.

"I've always wanted to…sniff…ride White Castle…and now you don't want to!! This…sniff…could be my only chance to ride him…so…"

What a baby!!

And yet, I hate to admit it – but judging by the condition she is in now… I mean having leukemia and being blind at the same time must be one hell of a difficulty. Especially when you're some idiotic moron. Ugh. I'm not saying I pity her it's just that…

"Fine. I'll ride with you" I grunted.

Damn. I'm so stupid.

XXX

_Mikan's POV_

At that moment he agreed to ride with me, my heart leapt with extreme bliss. He doesn't know how much I've been waiting to ride White Castle. After this long waiting of visiting his stable every so often and wanting so much to ride on White Castle, it has finally come true. Yay!

But we just stood there.

"Natsume, help me up White Castle"

There was a moment's pause.

"No" he said dryly.

"Natsume!! Come on!!!" I cried.

"No"

"Natsume!! Please!! I've been waiting to ride on White Castle for so long, how can I possibly ride on him if you don't help me up?!?!"

Silence.

I felt two hands hold my waist and put me up White Castle. I smiled. He was listening. I heard him get on White Castle as well. He held on to the rope that was attached to White Castle and put my hands on it as well. This could be the **_happiest day of my life._**

I could hear the clickity-clack of White Castle's hooves as we exited the stable, the smell of flowers and grass signaled me that we were outdoors. The blackness I could only see turned pale red, telling me that the sun was shining right above my eyes. I could cry of joy.

White Castle neighed with delight. He started trotting, I could hear the grass being stomped on. It was a nice sound.

Afterwards, I could hear him galloping. The speed was thrilling. I could feel the wind blowing against my brown hair and my face. I held onto Natsume tight, I could feel his discomfort as I held onto him tight. I felt White Castle jump over things. It was so wonderful.

_Natsume's POV_

She held onto me tight. It added extreme discomfort on what I was feeling now. Stupidity.

I felt her smile against my back. It was kinda ok to feel that you made someone happy. I mean, usually the only thing I accomplish is a finished bottle of beer.

"Natsume?"

"Yeah, what is it now?"

She started whimpering. Oh God, what the hell was wrong with this cry baby? Every minute she starts crying about different reasons.

"Man! Can't you ever stop crying?"

"I'm…I'm sorry Natsume. It's just that…thank you!!!" she sputtered. White Castle made a stop at that point to have a drink of water in a pond.

I looked back, she wasn't holding onto me anymore. But she was crying, rubbing her eyes hardly. And wiping her nose with her sleeve. I felt like I was baby sitting a pre-school dropout.

"C-Can we ride some more?" she cried, holding onto me again.

_-Flasback- _

"_Can we ride some more, Natsume?" _

"_But we've rode on it seventeen times. I'm getting sick of this and this stupid carnival" I said, staring at the merry-go-round that was before me. It carried lots of kids our age, and it turned like there was no tomorrow. The merry-go-round…it's kinda like life. It goes on and on, you're riding it and there comes to a point when it stops. It's a stupid ride. It makes me angry._

"_Natsume! Please can we ride some more?" she cried. _

"_Only if you shut up" _

"_Deal!" she said, shaking my hand. I took hers and we rode the stupid merry-go-round again. _

_-End of Flashback- _

"Hn" I said, kicking the side of White Castle. He neighed in shock and started galloping again. These flashbacks are weird. They keep on coming on even though I don't remember doing the things in the flashback. It was annoying.

I felt Mikan slip her arms away from me. I looked back, and I saw her arms were spread out. I smirked.

I turned away from her, still smirking. This is kinda like the merry-go-round. Only…its much better. Because we just don't go around and around. We ride, in any way we want to.

Yeah.

This must be the ride of her life.

How stupid.

**-End of Chapter Four- **

**XXX**

**Author's Note: **Hope you like Chapter Four!!! Looking forward to your reviews! Toodles!


	5. Moving In?

**Author's Note 10/22/2006 – **Another update. Please be patient because I might not update as quick since exams are coming up and I have to study. I hope you like this chapter! Don't forget to review, please

**XXX**

Chapter Five: **Moving In?!?! **

**XXX**

_Mikan's POV_

_Mikan's Apartment_

_10:29 am _

_-Ding Dong- _

I woke up, finding myself on my couch. I must've been too tired from yesterday. I stood up and lead myself to the door. I opened it, I smelled the aroma of coffee and donuts. Who could this be? It couldn't be Natsume – if it was she'd belch because of his acrid scent of cigarettes and alcohol.

"Mikan Sakura?"

"Yes, that's me"

"I'm Officer Kuragami. You haven't been paying the electricity and water bills, yes? And that bank loan you got before, you haven't even paid it and it's been one year"

Uh oh.

"I'm sorry. I've been trying to get a job but nobody would accept me…since I'm you know…blind…"

"I don't care if you're the Queen of England, but you must abide to the rules"

I heard men walk in and out. What the hell was happening??!? She heard the apartment empty, and echoes getting louder and louder.

"What the hell are you doing to my apartment?" I screeched.

"We're taking your stuff temporarily until you've managed to pay for the loan you borrowed from the bank, in the meantime – you have to find somebody you can stay over at. Thank you, Ms. Sakura and good day"

"You can't just take my stuff!!! Just because I'm blind doesn't mean you can walk all over me!!"

The door slammed shut.

Damn it.

XXX

I ran to where the phone was to phone Hotaru. At least she'd take me in. I felt for the phone. Oh great!! They took the phone, the only thing I felt were the wires. Damn it!!

I was in my night gown. I can't go into the streets wearing this, they might think I'm some lunatic. I went to where my bedroom was and opened my closet, they have left one jacket inside. Thank God! I slipped the jacket on and felt for shoes. They left bedroom slippers for me. Ugh. I put on the bed room slippers, I felt the fluffiness warm my toes and I sighed with unsatisfactory. Oh God. This was going to be one of the most embarrassing days of my life.

I went out of my apartment. I memorized where the elevator was so it was no big deal to go to it. I entered the elevator, somebody was with me. I could hear him breathing.

"Hang over?" he said. Oh please. Just because I look like this doesn't mean I spent last night drinking the hell out of myself.

The elevator stopped and I ran out. I could feel people's eyes stare at me. I hope nobody I knew was in the lobby. I ran out of the apartment building and whistled for a cab. A cab came and I went inside.

"Hang over?" the cab driver said. I grunted. "Where to?"

"Hyuuga Clinic, please" I said. "And step on it. I don't want people to see me in this"

"Okay then"

XXX

Luckily, there was no traffic jam. We arrived at the Hyuuga Clinic in five minutes. I paid the cab driver and ran out of the taxi. I entered the clinic and sat down. I could feel the stares of people glue on my appearance. Well, it isn't everyday when you see a girl run into the clinic wearing a silk night gown, velvet jacket and bed room slippers. Thank God I'm not famous. If I was, paparazzi would be making me look like some hung-over loony.

"Mikan?"

It was Dr. Hyuuga.

"Dr Hyuuga! Thank God you're here! You see, I wasn't able to pay my bank loan, electricity and water bills. So I was kicked out of my apartment!"

"Come in"

I entered the clinic, he lent me his cordless phone. I dialed Hotaru's land line.

A voice recording answered my call.

"_You've reached Hotaru Imai's line. I'm in the United States right now. Please leave a message after a beep, although it will be useless. BEEEPPPPPPPPPP" _

I wanted to cry. Hotaru was the only person I knew that lived in Tokyo. The rest of my friends were either in different countries or I haven't kept in touch with them since high school. Grandpa was dead…my parents were dead…ugh…this day couldn't get any worse.

"It's okay, Mikan. You can stay in Natsume's apartment."

I felt my cheeks flush. "Oh, Dr. Hyuuga. I couldn't. Ugh. It would be awkward. And I'm sure Natsume wouldn't like it either" I said, my voice quivering.

"Oh, he wouldn't mind. And plus, his sister used to live with him. I'm sure she's left some clothes that you can borrow in her room"

Oh God. I'd rather live in the trash dump than be with Natsume.

XXX

Dr. Hyuuga drove me to Natsume's apartment. He was in the fourth floor. We didn't ring the doorbell since Dr. Hyuuga had the keys to his apartment. We entered it. It smelled like cigarettes and beer. Yeah, it was Natsume's apartment alright. It also smelled like unwashed clothes. Ugh. He was such a pig.

We walked to Natsume's sister's room. It smelled much cleaner than the living room. Dr Hyuuga took out clothes for me that belonged to Natsume's sister. "I'll tell Natsume that you'll be staying in his apartment. Anyway, make yourself at home. You can take a bath. I have to get going now"

"Thanks, Dr. Hyuuga! You don't know how much this means to me!!" I said, sarcastically. I hate to stay with Natsume but I guess I don't have much of a choice.

I opened different doors, I found Natsume's room. It smelled like beer and I could hear soft rock music play on his stereo system. I walked out of the room and found myself in the bathroom. It smelled like Winter Fresh air freshener and shampoo. I felt my way to the bath tub and opened the shower faucet. Warm water came pouring out. I undressed and entered the bath tub. I sighed and felt for the shampoo. I got hold of an "Apple Mint" shampoo (judging by the smell) and lathered it in my hair. I sighed and relaxed into the bath.

_Natsume's POV_

I entered my apartment. The door was halfway open. Did someone break in? I rushed inside. I smelled the scent of Apple Mint shampoo. I ran to the bathroom and I heard the pitter-patter of water. I turned the doorknob. It wasn't locked.

This must be one of my loony neighbors. I opened the door slowly, the bathroom was fogged up with warm water. Who the hell was in here?

I saw a shadow behind my bath tub curtain. I could feel scarlet rise up to my cheeks. Who was this person?

"GET OUT OF HERE!" I shouted, opening the shower curtain. Coming to find…

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

"YOU PERVERTED FREAK, GET OUT OF HERE!!" Mikan screeched, standing up and throwing the shampoo bottle at me.

By the look on her face, she must've realized that she was standing up and the bathroom curtain was moved. She fell back into her bath, her face red.

"Did you see anything?" she muttered.

I turned my back. "No" I said, man. This was awkward.

"How can I believe you?!?! She said, her voice shaking.

Silence.

"You saw something didn't you?"

"I didn't see anything, damn it!" I said, losing my patience.

"Tell me why you're in my apartment"

"Okay I will. But just get out of the bathroom first and let me take a bath"

I grunted and left the bathroom.

_Mikan's POV_

I didn't believe Natsume when he said that he didn't see my body. I sighed in embarrassment and put on his sister's clothes. They were comfortable. I exited the bathroom and followed the scent of cigarettes, coming to find Natsume watching TV in the living room. He was drinking again.

"Why are you wearing Hikari's clothes?"

"Oh, Hikari is the name of your sister?"

"Stupid"

I told him the story of why I ended up taking a bath in his bathroom.

"So… I hope you don't mind…"

"Damn you" I muttered and went to the refrigerator to get another bottle of beer. I saw her face fall, god. She's such a goody-goody…

"Stay in Hikari's room" I whispered. Her face lit up. "OH THANK YOU, NATSUME!!" She said, standing up – opening her arms for a hug. "Oh stop it. I don't want to hug some idiot. I might get germs all over me"

All she did was smile.

XXX

I left the apartment at lunch onwards. I went to work. Yeah I work, but it's a damn job I tell you. I came back around dinner time, drinking another bottle of beer – smelling like motorcycles. I opened the door with my key, coming to find the 'enticing' smell of…PERFUME?!?!

"What the hell did you do to my apartment?" I asked, staring at the apartment which was swimming in the scent of perfume.

"Well, I can't stand living in some place that smells like drugs. So I made it much more suitable"

I stared at what she was wearing. It was a white sleeveless dress that had floral embroidery on the bottom. I'm not saying _she looked hot_ but…whatever. She looked dumb.

"What are you wearing?"

"Oh. I felt through Hikari's closet and found this dress. I'm not sure what color it is but I could tell that it was nice…wait…what happened to Hikari? Why isn't she living with you?"

"She got married, dummy"

"I would like to get married, someday"

"Oh shut up"

I turned my back on her, I heard a loud 'thump' behind me. I looked back, I saw Mikan on the floor breathing heavily. What was wrong now?

"Hey…what's wrong?"

"I spent…the whole…day… cleaning up…this place…it's quite…tiring…you know…what I mean… I can't see and…I'm so…tired…" she said, her eyes shut.

I couldn't leave her on the floor. I picked her up and carried her. She wasn't that heavy. I brought her to Hikari's room, I opened the bedsheets and put her in. She was asleep. She did look tired. Her hair curled in a nice way when she lay down and…shut up, Natsume.

But I REALLY, REALLY hate to admit that she looked kinda okay under the dim light that the lamp was emitting. I watched her breathe.

I don't know how long I watched her sleep.

Before I knew it…

Damn it…

I fell asleep as well…

XXX

_**End of Chapter 5 **_


	6. Camp Out

**Author's Note 10/23/2006: **I have nothing to stay…I just like to put "Author's Note" Haha. Thankees for the reviews. I'm too busy to send you PMs thanking you guys for the reviews. Exams are coming up! Trying to update as fast as I can!!!

**Disclaimed**

XXX

**Chapter Six: **Camp Out!

XXX

_Mikan's POV_

_7:00 am_

I felt the warm sunshine brush against my skin. I haven't slept this well for a long time. I felt the fluff of the pillows behind my back and the soft blankets over me. I opened my eyes, well – I didn't see anything so it didn't make much of a difference to what I saw when I was asleep. But I heard somebody breathing on my lap. "Natsume?"

I felt for him. I felt his hair and his leather jacket. What was he doing here? He grunted and woke up. "#$&!" I turned pink. You should know your grammar, Natsume. "I overslept – and in the wrong place! Damn it. I have to go!"

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"I'm going away!" he hissed.

"WHAT?"

"Oh keep your voice down. I'm just spending the night in some camp out dummy place. My band is gonna be there. So…do what you like. Spray perfume in this apartment" Natsume said, going to the bathroom and getting his toothbrush.

"You can't just leave me here!!! Hey…why don't you take me with you?" I said, grinning widely.

"And why would I do that?"

"You don't want to come home seeing your apartment…girlified – do you?"

**XXX**

"Road trip!!" I screeched excitedly as I got into Natsume's car. "Who are your friends?"

"Shut up" he hissed. God, he was like some old cranky man that didn't take his pills.

After ten minutes of driving, we stopped at one point. "Where are we? This place smells like you"

"Shut up. It's just a gasoline station. We're picking them up here"

**Author's Note: **Freeze the fan fiction for awhile! Before I continue, I'd like to introduce 3 of Natsume's friends.

**Ruka: **He's not really a delinquent as Natsume is. He devotes himself mainly to his keyboard. He smokes but doesn't as drink as much Natsume does. He's also the best friend of Natsume duh

**Sumire: **I couldn't think of anyone else. She plays the bass guitar. She's madly in love with Natsume (like in the real thing). She's a delinquent as well. She's known for getting away with her shop-lifting. But she's really artistic.

**Kaito: **An OC. He's also a delinquent. He doesn't smoke but he drinks a lot. He has auburn hair and blue eyes. He plays the drums and is usually silent. But he is awfully interested in Mikan.

Back to the story.

I heard people walk up to the car. "Hey, Natsume! Who's this?". It was a girl.

"Ugh. That's Mikan. Don't pay any attention to her"

"Natsume!" They were the voices of two guys. One of them had a hot voice. Although I couldn't see them, I bet they were. Hehe.

I heard them get into the car, one of them sat next to me. "Hi. I'm Mikan" I said.

"Kaito" the guy said. "Ruka" the guy in front said. "Sumire…wait…are you the girlfriend of Natsume? Cause if you are…"

"Shut up. I'd rather marry an elephant than end up with that dork. She's blind…"

"Oh shut up, Natsume! Show me a little respect!"

"So why's Natsume bringing you then?"

I told them the whole story.

"Well, keep your hands off my Natsume!" Sumire said, sticking out her tongue.

"Sumire, don't be so possessive. Natsume's not even your boyfriend" Kaito laughed.

"Oh, whatever!"

It was a long boring ride. We only stopped to go to the bathroom or if anybody was hungry, Natsume would pay no attention to me when I would ask if we can stop to buy some food – but he would sure listen to the other people.

The earsplitting music Natsume was playing on the radio was popping my ears. I couldn't hear a word anybody was saying except the screeching sound of the singer on the radio "YEAH, YEAH BABY!!" And it was getting quite irritating.

Soon afterwards, I smelled the scent of trees. We were definitely not in the city anymore. I could smell the fresh scent of wood and the burning smell of barbequed trout. I could also smell the lake and could hear the ripple of a river. According to my instincts, we were probably in a campsite.

"Where are we?" I asked.

"We're in our favorite campsite. It's just to get away from the bars and the night clubs we usually hang out in. It's our…tranquility spot" Ruka responded. "It sure is relaxing"

"Well, it doesn't make any difference to Natsume" I snorted.

After a ten-minute drive from that point, the car stopped. The right door swung open, the smell of lumber got stronger. I sighed to myself. It was a wonderful smell. I could smell the burnt scent of firewood and I could feel the rough brush of the dirt road against my sandals.

"Let me help you with this" Kaito said, taking my bag.

"Oh, that's not necessary. It's not that heavy"

"I insist" he said, taking the bag from me.

Wow. What a gentleman.

XXX

_Natsume's POV_

I insist. UGH. He's such a kiss-up. That freak.

I took my bag from the trunk and we headed to our cabin. My dad bought that cabin years ago for Hikari and her husband. They don't use it that much so I claimed it. I fished the keys from my pocket and inserted it in the door knob. I turned it and the door swung open.

"I smell rusty appliances, wood and beds. Polyester bed sheets to be precise" she said and felt her way to the rooms, she felt the bed fabric and nodded. "Yup. Polyester"

"Oh shut up. Nobody cares what the hell the bed sheets are made of!" I said, trudging to my room and thrusting my bag on my bed. The rest did the same. "Come, band let's practice"

"You have a band?!" Mikan squealed excitedly.

"Yeah we do. Do you want to listen to us? You don't mind rock, do you?" Kaito said, waiting up for that idiot as we went outside.

"Oh, I love rock"

We went to the garage. We had left our instruments there, except for me. Kaito was on drums, Ruka was on keyboard, Sumire was on bass and I was on the lead guitar and vocals. The fool sat down on a stool. "Okay, let's do a run-through of Gray Sunshine". Kaito hit the drumsticks and we started playing.

The hazelnut color haired dork listened intently as we played the opening of Gray Sunshine.

"_Yeah, yeah_

_I'm asking you a question_

_Open up your ears_

_Listen to the voice _

_You don't have any other choice…_

_Yeah, we're running under gray sunshine_

_Burning through the snow_

_Where the hell are we supposed to live? _

_Where the hell are we supposed to go…woah.._

_Don't see any smiles anymore_

_Blood paints the sky red_

_Tears are shed_

_We feel dead_

_Yeah, we're running under gray sunshine_

_Burning through the snow_

_Where the hell are we supossed to live?_

_Where the hell are we supposed to go??" _

XXX

_Mikan's POV_

Natsume was now doing his guitar solo. I could say that he was very skilled, for a perverted jerk. The lyrics were very deep, and I'm not a deep person – so I didn't get it. As I was lost in my thoughts, the music stopped. I clapped.

"Was it nice?" Ruka asked.

"Oh, you're done?"

"I told you she wasn't listening" Natsume spat.

"Oh, no – I was listening. I really liked the part…blood paints the sky red…very deep…"

"Yeah, I like that part too" Kaito said.

"Oh shut up, Kaito!" Natsume yelled. What was up to him? Somebody needs a temper check.

XXX

_Natsume's POV_

GOD!!! I'm so pissed with Kaito. He's such a dork. Such a freak. Such a malnourished auburn-haired BRAT!! I'm Kaito, I'm a college graduate. Oh come on, like that helps his life!! Damn you Kaito!!

I checked my watch 4:50 pm. I'm getting kinda hungry. I left the garage and went inside the cabin. Kaito followed me inside.

"What are you doing here?" I hissed, getting a beer from the cooler.

"Just finding pleasure pissing you off"

"What are you talking about?"

"You definitely know what I'm talking about. You're getting pissed cause I find your Mikan hot"

"Oh, she's not MY Mikan – she's…a dork"

"I see… I knew this would happen. You would fall in love with someone the total opposite of yourself. It always happens. But what can I do? Mikan's hot. And what makes her cuter, is that she's blind"

"Shut up, damn it!"

XXX

After that, I was just pissed. I didn't want to practice my music anymore. I was just pissed, damn it. It's not that I'm jealous, it's just that…damn…I don't know. I'm just SO PISSED!!! We ate dinner outside of the cabin, Sumire cooked barbeques and we are them around a bonfire. Kaito and that freak sat beside each other, what's worse is that when that moron dropped her barbeque stick on the ground, Kaito offered his and damn, she accepted it!!

After dinner, everybody went inside the cabin. I was still angry. I sat outside, staring at the bonfire with my guitar in my hands. Could I be falling for that damn, useless and idiotic cow? The beer must be getting to my head. I gulped another bottle and strummed my guitar.

"Natsume," Mikan said, coming out of the cabin. She was wearing jogging pants and a sweater. Yeah, it was kind of cold.

"Are you angry at me, Natsume?" Mikan asked, getting her walking stick and making her down the porch steps.

"I'm always pissed with you" I muttered. She followed the sound of my voice and sat beside me. Staring into space, but still givin' that stupid smile of hers.

"Play me a song" she said.

"No." I replied dryly.

"The tune you were strumming awhile ago. I liked it. Play it for me"

"No" I said again. Then Kaito's face popped into my head. My hands strummed the guitar angrily. "Yeah, that one" she said. Then the music started playing.

_one_

_What if we were meant to be together_

_What if you were meant to be the one_

_I could hide a million years and try to believe_

_That any time the girl in mind will come and rescue me_

'_Cause you're the fire, you're the one_

_But you will never see the sun_

_If you don't know, you're right next to the right one_

_I could call it many names_

_But it's myself I need to blame_

_If you don't know, you're right next to the right one_

_In the end you've got a friend for lifetime (mhmh)_

_Truly there to truly care for you_

_I know you cry a million tears so I want you to know_

_That a pretty face can take you places, you don't wanna go_

'_Cause you're the fire, you're the one_

_But you will never see the sun_

_If you don't know, you're right next to the right one_

_And I could call it many names_

_But it's myself I need to blame_

_If you don't know, you're right next to the right one now_

_So in the end it all depends on whether you'll find_

_Warm embraces when I replace the one you had in mind..._

'_Cause you're the fire, you're the one_

_But you will never see the sun_

_If you don't know, you're right next to the right one_

_I could call it many names_

_But it's myself I need to blame_

_If you don't know, you're right next to the right one_

_Yeah (ohoh..)_

_You're right next ti the right one_

_I could call it many names_

_But it's myself I need to blame, if you don't know_

_You right next to the right one_

_Right next to the right one_

_Mikan's POV_

Natsume's voice was so wonderful. It was much better heard than a softer tone than him shouting those lyrics of "Gray Sunshine". His voice was much like a sound that made me feel all warm and happy.

"That song was nice, Natsume. Not because I like the song, it's the voice who was singing it which made me stop to listen"

"Whatever"

"And it tells me, that you were never pissed at me…" I smiled, stood up and went back to the cabin.

Yeah, he was never pissed at me.

But I liked that feeling when he was singing.

It also told me

That he cared.

XXX

_**End of Chapter 6**_

**Song Used: **RIGHT NEXT TO THE RIGHT ONE by Tim Christensen. The rest were by me. Thanks!


	7. Win the Kiss!

**Author's Note: **Another update. If some of you have noticed that on Chapter 3, Natsume said that he and Ruka aren't friends anymore and in the last chapter they were. Sorry! My mind wasn't on that. So this whole problem shall be cleared out here:

**Mikan: **Natsume, I thought you and Ruka aren't friends anymore.

**Natsume: **Did I say that? The day after I said that, he started talking to me again.

I hope that was cleared up. Anyway, hope you enjoy chapter seven!!!

XXX

**Chapter Seven: Win the Kiss**

XXX

_Natsume's POV_

_9:00 am_

_Natsume's Apartment_

"What are you dressed up for?" I asked, sitting down on my couch watching TV when Mikan came out of Hikari's room wearing a red mini skirt and a white top, she sat down on the armchair and put on red loafers.

"There's a festival in this college and everybody's invited, even though you're not a student. So I'm going. Can you take me there?"

"I'd rather die" I said, gulping down my bottle of cola.

"Ugh. Fine. I'll call up Kaito. At least _he'll _take me"

Damn.

"Let's go" I said, standing up – walking to my room and slipping on my leather jacket.

"Go where?"

"God. You just said that you wanted to go to that festival thing. So, let's go! Or have you forgotten already?"

"But I was just about to call Kaito…"

"Forget about it! Let's go!"

I'd rather become a nerd than let Kaito drive her.

XXX

_Mikan's POV_

We arrived at the festival, I could hear loud music play and smell the tempting smell of tempura. I could hear balloons pop and children whine. I could smell vanilla pudding and taiyaki. (Taiyaki is a fish-shaped pastry with bean paste inside, mind you). I could hear the splashing sound of what seems to be a swimming pool and people cheering. It seemed fun.

"You have to accompany me" I told Natsume, as he stopped his car.

"Woah, I said I'd take you – but nothing about accompanying you to this stupid festival"

"Give me your cell phone. I'll call Kaito"

"Damn you, Mikan! Let's go!" Natsume grunted.

I'm starting to get the impression that there's something about Kaito that Natsume doesn't like. I wonder what.

"Let's stop by this stall" I said, I could hear the sound of shooting. It was probably a 'Shoot the Ducks" stall where we shoot plastic ducks. That was one of my favorite games when I was little, and when I could see.

"How can you shoot the ducks, when you can't even see them?" Natsume smirked. He was so annoying.

I handed the gun to him. "You do it. Win me a prize"

"No" he said flatly. I forced the gun into his hands.

Suddenly, I heard a drum roll. Usually, drum rolls mean something exciting. I turned to where the sound of the drum roll was coming from. Then, I heard a man tap on a microphone.

"_Who will be the pretty girl who these men will compete to receive a kiss from?" _The man said. Oh great, it was one of those games that guys compete and do all these stupid stuff to win a kiss from a girl, and sometimes vice versa. It's such a stupid idea, its undignified.

"_Oh… our pretty girl who volunteered has just had a trip to the clinic and was sent home. So we'll do a random choose. Whoever gets hit by the spotlight, and of course – it will be a girl…these guys who have volunteered to join this competition, will compete!!" _

There was a another drum roll. Suddenly, my eyes felt heat shining against them. Light lit up the darkness I always see…wait… WHAT?!?!?!

"Girl with the brown hair, wearing the red mini skirt – please go up the stage!" The man said. Oh no. This was BAD!!! Plus, I'm going to embarrass myself because I don't even know where the stage was!!!

"Oh, it seems this girl is shy. People, let's give her a hand!"

At that moment, a crowd lifted me – cheering and laughing at my innocence brought me to the stage. Judging by the shape of what my face expression was…I was definitely NOT smiling.

"What's your name?"

"Mikan…" I responded softly on the microphone, but I could hear my voice echo in the large speakers. _Oh God. This is the only time I need Natsume. _

"Mikan, four of these men – Daichi, Ryouta, Takahiro and… Kaito will compete for your kiss"

"Kaito?" I said.

"Yeah, it's me Mikan!" a familiar voice said. I sighed with relief. Oh thank God Kaito was here. If he wasn't, I don't know what I'd do. He better win…

_Natsume's POV_

I ran in front of the stage. Kaito?!?! What the hell was he doing here?!?! Oh yeah, I forgot – he's damn interested in Mikan!! Oh god! I can't have him win!!!

"Hey!" I shouted. The man looked down. "Yes? And who are you?"

I pushed myself up the stage and stood up. "Natsume" I said.

"Are you going to compete for the kiss?"

"I'm gonna compete. But I'm not going to kiss that…cow!"

"What do you say, people? Should we let Natsume cut in?" the man cried, pointing the microphone at the crowd who stupidly shouted "YES!" Oh whatever. I just can't let that Kaito win that kiss. And don't you dare think that I want it too, it's just that Kaito's a FREAK.

"There will be three tasks. One easy, one medium and one hard – the first task is…"

Oh hell no. The first task was to eat a pail of rotten sushi. Man, that sucks.

We were handed several buckets of horrible smelling rotten sushi. It looked like the cafeteria lunch when I was in grade school. I glanced at the stupid idiotic cow, who's blind eyes now shaking with fright. Damn. I have to win this

I dunked my head inside the bucket, I almost puked at the putrid smell. I lifted my head and saw Kaito pigging out. God. I dunked my head back into the bucket, held my breath and dug in. I tasted the nauseating taste of fish and the decayed scent of seaweed. I looked what was before me, moldy rice and sordid looking vegetables with mounds of decomposed and disintegrating seafood. Tempura lay below the bucket, the breaded shrimp was covered with mold and muck. Gad.

I finished up the bucket and swallowed the last of hell. I looked at Kaito who finished before me. One guy backed out and vomited in front of us. I stared with disgust as he fell into the crowd, nauseated.

The judge went to us and checked our buckets and our mouths to see if we haven't swallowed any of that trash. "It seems that four of our competitors...well…three have made it. Two of them, Takahiro, Kaito and Natsume have made it to the second round! I guess Daichi and Ryouta couldn't take the sushi" he said, nervously laughing as he stared at Ryouta who was now walking unsteadily around the stage, and afterwards fell on the weak Daichi.

The commentator announced the second task. We were to hold our breath under a pool of ice For a person who can drink forty bottles of beer or cola in one sitting, well yeah – I guess I can do it.

They gave us trunks to wear and then they showed us the swimming pool that wasn't filled with water – but ice – half of the content was melted but I could see countless ice cubes swimming on the water.

"The two longest guys who can hold their breath, move on to the last round!"

We jumped in the pool. I could feel the rush of chill put pressure against my body. I opened my eyes, everything was blurry. I could feel the breath I was holding deplete every second. I was counting the seconds…five seconds have passed by and I'm going through the cold, bitter part of hell. I turned to my side, Kaito was holding his breath as well. I turned to my other side, and that Takahiro guy swam up to the surface.

"_Ohh… it seems that Kaito and Natsume will move on to the last round!" _a faint voice said from above. I rose up to the surface as well, looking at my reflection on the surface of the water – my face was pale blue and I was now chilling.

"Ready to give up yet, Natsume?" Kaito grinned – his voice shaking.

"Not at all, you moron. When you lose…you'll be crying home to your mommy and you're going to drink from a baby bottle!" I responded.

"I told you – you like her. I mean, who else would cut in to a competition just to kiss Mikan? Oh god, you're pathetic"

"I don't like her! I just can't stand seeing you carry your idiotic pride, get ready to go to hell"

"Yeah, I'll have the devil ready to pick you up!" he laughed and swam to the poolside and got up.

The third task was to jump off the building (of course with a harness) and land on the target point. Yeah, this is gonna be easy for me. I turned to Mikan, her face fell as she heard the commentator say that we had to do that task. "Natsume, it's not necessary for you to…"

"Oh shut up. Like I need your sympathy now, idiot" I said, walking to the building. I had to admit, this task was kinda…well not scary…just…fine…scary!! We reached the top of the building, I looked down and the people down there who were watching in awe looked like microscopic insects. I smirked, this was gonna be easy as smoking.

They handed us harnesses and we were tied to a pole. This was like bungee jumping. Who knows? With this task, I can finally end my miserable life.

Kaito was up first. He jumped down the building, I could rejoice at the way he was screaming, but he hit the target point with his stupid hand right one inch away from it. Damn him.

I was next, I looked down and took a deep breath. I jumped down, I could feel my skin stretching and the speed seemed to be killing me. **_How stupid I was to join this contest, just for a kiss. Wait, I wasn't for the kiss… _**Before I could sort out my thoughts, the rope swung the wrong way and I hit the wall of the building. DAMN!

Everybody crowded around me, especially Kaito who was smirking with amusement. I looked at the window and saw the side of my forehead bleeding. I grunted. "Oh…and it seems Kaito has won the competition! Go up the stage and claim your kiss"

What a loser.

_Mikan's POV_

I heard a huge thump on the wall and I ran immediately down the stage. "Hey you're supposed to kiss me!" Kaito said, as I pushed him aside. "Oh God, Kaito – you're so pathetic! Somebody's hurt out there and you're thinking of a stupid kiss?" I spat and ran down.

I followed the voices of the people and pushed my way through the crowd. "Natsume?"

"Damn you, Mikan. If you haven't brought me to this…festival…I'd never…"

I felt my way to Natsume, and I touched the side of his forehead. I felt blood. Oh god, yes it was all my fault. I started crying.

"Natsume! You got hurt because of me!! I'm so sorry!!"

"Nah. I got hurt because of that freak" Natsume said, I think he was referring to Kaito.

"Stop crying, damn it. You're making the pain worse" he said.

"Mikan, Kaito needs to claim your kiss!!" The commentator said impatiently.

"I don't care about that damn kiss!!! I didn't even want to kiss anybody anyway! And everybody's here not giving a damn for Natsume's injury. All you want is for me to kiss that moron and everybody will be happy while my friend is suffering!! You people should know better! You're all idiots!!"

_xxFlashbackxx_

"_It's nothing serious" a dark-haired boy told me. The setting was in the park. We had been rollerblading and that boy's leg was drenched in blood. _

"_Of course it's serious! Can't you see the size of that gash???" _

"_I get these things all the time. Just forget about it okay?" he said, forcing himself to stand up but fell back to the cemented ground again, blood trickled down the floor and nobody was paying attention to him._

"_This is all my fault!!" _

"_No it's not. Just shut up, okay?" _

"_Here. This is what my mommy used to do when I have wounds!" I said, kissing his wound. I tasted the saltiness of his blood, but I still smiled._

"_Is that better?" _

_xxBack to Realityxx_

I got this odd feeling that this wasn't the first time I had felt Natsume's blood before. I sighed. "If I'm going to kiss somebody, it's going to be Natsume!!" I blurted out. Oh God, I have gotten myself into something worse.

The commentator laughed and everybody started to cheer. "Kiss! Kiss!" they chanted. Hell no!! This was one hell of a problem.

"I guess I have to kiss you" I said to Natsume.

There was no reply. The chants were getting stronger and stronger. Somehow, I felt obliged to kiss him.

I neared him. I could feel his breath breathing down my lips. Oh no… my heart was beating as fast as it could. I took him by his shoulders and closed my eyes, well it didn't make any difference to what I was seeing since I was blind but it added pressure and intensity to the moment. I then landed my lips against his. I could feel the texture of his lips, it tasted like beer. It was kind of delicious. Oh I can't believe I'm doing this.

At the end of the day, he and I were walking back to the parking lot together. He told me he had bandages wrapped around his forehead so I needn't freak out.

"I'm so sorry I got you into this…especially the kiss…you know."

"Your lips tasted more disgusting than that bucket of sushi!!"

"Hey!! The crowd wanted it!!" I protested.

"Yours tasted like beer…" I continued.

"Well what do you expect?"

When we got back to the apartment, he threw something at me. It was soft and furry, I felt around it. It was a teddy bear. "Where did you get this?"

"In that stall" he replied flatly and entered the bathroom.

I embraced the teddy bear. Somehow, I don't regret taking him to that festival.

**Author's note: **Wow! It took long for me to write that chappie! But anyway, hope you like it!! I'll try to update faster since my school's on a week-long break!!!


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: **Hope you guys liked my Chapter Seven. I hope you like this chapter as well. Thank you, thank you for all your reviews – quite busy to send you all PMs to say thanks for the reviews so just thanks! You know who you are! Reviews are extremely helpful to me!! Arigatou!

_**XXX**_

**Chapter Eight: **_Painful Memories_

XXX

_Natsume's POV_

That night, I couldn't sleep. Memories of that disgusting kiss she gave me lingered. I tossed and turned, I remembered that she stared blankly into my eyes – not seeing anything at all, then she closed them, revealing long eyelashes and then took me by the shoulders and kissed me. Chocolate lip gloss… I hate chocolate. That was one memory I didn't want to remember. But if it was so sickening, I should've pulled back – and I didn't. I don't know why.

I opened my eyes, dawn was breaking. I could see the sun peeking behind the tall buildings of Tokyo, painting the sky with periwinkle and a few touches of pink. I checked my alarm clock, it read six ten.

I stood up and looked out the window, people were walking on the sidewalks – getting on taxi cabs, passing the pedestrian lane… I opened my drawer of clothes and threw in a t-shirt. I got kinda hungry, I went to the refrigerator. It was stocked with beer and cola, I gagged at the thought of drinking it again. Somehow, my cravings for beer and cola were disappearing. I remembered that my dad stock noodles in the cupboard before, so I went to check.

There were no noodles, but I found a shoebox. There was a paper that was taped to the top and it said:**_ NATSUME'S MEMORIES. _**I don't remember getting this shoebox, or even labeling it. I took it out and opened it.

In it were plenty of photographs, there were photographs of me playing soccer…me in my first trick-or-treat…hey…there was a picture of me and this brown-haired girl. We looked about eight years old…the girl had brown eyes. We were riding on a merry-go-round… I emptied the shoebox. There were more photographs of her and me. I didn't know this girl. This was the first time I've ever seen her. Cousin, probably? I doubt it.

There were more and more photographs coming out of the shoebox. There was a photograph of her and me playing in the beach, we looked about five years old in that picture. There was a black and white picture of me and her swinging in what looked like to be a park. There were different photographs, I was getting confused. I was getting a headache.

There was a small yellow envelope that fell out with the photographs. I opened it, the letter inside it was crumpled and soft. It said:

_Dear Natsume, _

_I'm going to miss you a lot. You've been my bestest friend forever. I'm going to treasure our memories for the rest of my life. Even though you're far away in Tokyo, I'm going to be here. I'm going to be waiting for you. Do not forget me Natsume. I love you. _

The name of the person who wrote it was blurred with smudged ink. Who wrote this letter? I felt sad and angry, I checked the back of the photographs – it just showed the date and where the picture was taken…and then…there was a picture…it was written in red ink…it had my dad's handwriting in it. It said….

_**NATSUME**_

_**AND**_

_**MIKAN**_

I tore the photograph in to two. What the hell was going on? Tears streamed down my eyes. Why was I so angry? I don't remember knowing Mikan when we were small. I tore the rest of the photographs apart. My eyes were blurred with tears when I ripped something that wasn't a photograph. It was a newspaper clipping.

I wiped away my tears of anger…and regret and read the newspaper clipping. It was a clipping from 3 years ago, February 6.

_A seventeen year old girl, identified as **Mikan Sakura **was hit by a speeding truck. The driver was identified to be seven teen year old **Natsume Hyuuga. **Bottles of beer were found in the vehicle that was rammed into a wall. Mikan and Natsume are now in the Tokyo General Hospital. The two were reportedly suffering from amnesia due to the accident…_

I tore the newspaper into a million pieces. I ran over Mikan! I destroyed her memories! I smashed the shoebox with my hand and threw it out the window. **_Damn this box! Damn these photographs! Damn that newspaper!! Go to hell, Natsume!! GO TO HELL!! _**

"Natsume?" Mikan said, coming out of Hikari's room. "Is everything okay? I heard someone crying…was it you?"

"NO!! AND GET OUT OF THIS APARTMENT BEFORE I HURT YOU AGAIN!!!" I yelled back.

"What are you talking about?"

I took her by the wrist and pushed her out of the door. "Natsume?!? What's the meaning of this?!?!? You know I have no place to go to!! Natsume?!?!!"

"GO AWAY BEFORE I HURT YOU!!!"

"Natsume!! Are you on drugs or something??"

I didn't reply. I kicked the photographs and sighed.

_I already hurt you once._

_I already killed your memories once_

_I already loved you once._

_I don't want that to happen again. _

I sighed. The headache was getting stronger and stronger.

Yes.

I could feel it.

The memories were…

Returning.

XXX

_**END OF CHAPTER EIGHT **_


	9. Chapter 9

XXXX

_**CONTINUATION FROM CHAPTER NINE**_

_XXX_

Flashbacks…

""_Can we ride some more, Natsume?" _

"_But we've rode on it seventeen times. I'm getting sick of this and this stupid carnival" I said, staring at the merry-go-round that was before me. It carried lots of kids our age, and it turned like there was no tomorrow. The merry-go-round…it's kinda like life. It goes on and on, you're riding it and there comes to a point when it stops. It's a stupid ride. It makes me angry._

"_Natsume! Please can we ride some more?" she cried. _

"_Only if you shut up" _

"_Deal!" she said, shaking my hand. I took hers and we rode the stupid merry-go-round again. _

"_Natsume, this is my last chance to be with you – you know. You told me you're going to Tokyo." _

"_Can you stop being cheesy?" _

"_But it's true! You're my best friend, Natsume!"_

"_I told you that we can only ride the merry-go-round if you shut up"_

"_I'm sorry…" _

_XXX_

"_We're going to Tokyo already?!" I said, my dad nodded solemnly as he continued drinking his coffee and reading the paper._

"_Yeah… so you better pack your bags already, Natsume" Hikari said as she placed the fine china and utensils inside a box. _

"_But we weren't supposed to leave until Wednesday!!" _

"_The hospital which gave dad the offer said that if he can come today because we need to fix the apartment, there's a patient waiting for him and the head doctor said that he needs to interview him on his background and such…" Hikari replied. _

"_You want me to help you pack your bags?" _

"_No. It's okay" _

_I entered my room and took out my bag that I usually use for travels. I opened my closet and dumped all my clothes inside. I stared at the picture frame on my desk. It was a picture of her and I sitting on a bench. I placed the picture frame inside and wrote on a piece of paper: _

_**Mikan**_

_**I am going to Tokyo. I'm sorry.**_

_I inserted the piece of paper into my pocket and continued packing the rest of my things. After a few minutes, we loaded the bags into the car. "Dad, can we stop by Mikan's house?" _

"_We don't have time" my dad responded, glancing at his watch _

"_Dad, Mikan is his best friend" Hikari told dad. He hesitated and we stopped by her house. When I arrived, her grandfather told me she was still sleeping but said he could give her a message. I handed the telegram to him and left without a word. Not knowing what she could say, not giving any way to contact me… address, telephone… I left in such a rush. _

_**XXX**_

_A few years passed by, I was becoming lonely. I was becoming pissed with life as well. People in my new school weren't nice. One day, the leader of the rebel group at school said I have much potential after I shouted at my teacher. He took me to this bar in the dark and gloomy places of Tokyo. _

_It was my first time, I looked like some newbie – facing punks, drunks and drug addicts was a whole new world to me. I hate to admit it but I felt scared. The bartender offered me a bottle of beer. I refused, but my classmates forced me into drinking._

_The beer gave me a strange sensation. It began to get blurry and my feet seemed to lift up off the ground. Memories of Mikan had disappeared and what I saw before me, were my new friends. I gave a sly grin and asked for more. They applauded in approval. _

_From that day on, my mind focused on beer. My new friends introduced me to smoking and they showed off their flashy motorcycles and cars to me. I was brainwashed. I barged into my dad's room and told me that I wanted one. I was seventeen for God's sake. But he said no. I got pissed off. _

_As I walked angrily across the street and saw a truck driver, I bought a bottle of beer and kicked him out of the vehicle, I drove across Tokyo. I sped across the highway, and grinned with satisfaction. I was so dumb. Thinking that pleasing others would make a better person out of myself…_

_The cars stopped. People were crossing across the pedestrian lane. I was beginning to feel impatient. I remember a brown haired girl dashing across the road, I grunted with impatience and stepped on the accelerator, I felt a bump and a scream. "MIKAN!" shouted someone, I looked back and I saw nothing, except a pool of blood on the road… I shrugged and finished my bottle of beer. Then I turned to the front again, the truck was speeding towards a bank._

_I pulled the brake, and it just snapped off. I panicked, I was too dizzy to open the door, the truck rammed itself against the bank wall. _

_The next thing I knew, I heard machines and doctors. I opened my eyes and my father was sitting down, sleeping. I was in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit), with bandages wrapped tightly and casts on my legs. _

"_Natsume?" Hikari said, walking up to me._

"_Who are you?" _

"_You ran over a girl, Natsume. I hate to say it but she looks like your best friend from before" _

"_Best friend?"_

"_I guess its better that I won't tell you or else you'd end up feeling guilty. Do you want a glass of water?" _

_XXX_

Well, sorry Hikari but I know now – whether or not you told me. Damn everyone who lives in the planet, especially Mikan! Yea, I admit it. I care about that frikkin dimwit – A LOT!!!!

My cell phone rang.

"Natsume?"

It was my dad.

"Yea. What the hell do you want?"

"It's Mikan. She was found across the street…collapsed"

This couldn't get any worse, could it?

_**END OF CHAPTER NINE**_


	10. But For Now

_My cell phone rang._

"_Natsume?"_

_It was my dad._

"_Yea. What the hell do you want?"_

"_It's Mikan. She was found across the street…collapsed"_

_This couldn't get any worse, could it?_

XXX

**Chapter Ten: But For Now **

XXX

**NOW PLAYING: **_But For Now by Jamie Cullum _

I ran out the door. Yep, it was my fault again. It was my fault for making her blind, my fault for killing her memories and my fault right now. My dad text messaged me saying that she was in the Cancer Center.).

I hopped on my car and drove to the hospital. The place was packed with people, the echoes across the hallway of doctors and nurses. The beeping sound of life support systems and the sounds of mourn of families who have just lost their loved ones – but I don't want to be the one mourning in the future, I want to be smiling, damn it. It's been a long time since I did. And now that I have my memories, I want to make better ones.

I got to the Cancer Center, pushed my way through the doctors who tried to push me out since it was a forbidden part of the hospital, I saw the idiot lying down on a hospital bed as I got to the units, dressed in a hospital gown. Her hair was down and her face was sweating. She has a fever, I said to myself as I felt her forehead.

She was hooked up in machines, some were stating her temperature – 43 degrees – it said and that wasn't good. Her heartbeat was unusually slow and her face was white as a ghost's. Cold sweat trickled down her forehead and she breathed with much effort. Her eyes were shut and her fists were clenched.

_Sure I know you'd like to have me  
Talk about my future  
And a million words or so to fill you in about my past  
Have I sisters or a brother  
When's my birthday how's my mother  
Well my dear in time I'll answer all those things you ask_

She opened her eyes, it was a blank stare. "Someone's in with me" she whispered softly, her voice hoarse and tired.

"Yeah, it's me you idiot"

She blinked.

"It's painful," she said – giving a faint smile. "I heard the doctors talking. The cancer cells are as stronger as ever. If we don't act now…I might not make it for Christmas"

"Damn those doctors"

"It's not their fault, Natsume"

_But for now I'll just say I love you  
Nothing more seems important somehow  
And tomorrow can wait come whatever  
Let me love you forever but right now  
Right now_

"Don't blame it on anyone, especially yourself" she muttered softly and took a deep breath.

"If you die, I swear – I'm going to kill myself" I said, my fists clenched. It pained me to see her not smiling.

"Don't say that. You're lucky enough to be healthy. But here's one thing, don't continue smoking okay? It's gonna kill you"

_Some fine day when we go walking  
We'll take time for idle talking  
Sharing every feeling as we watch each other smile  
I'll hold your hand you'll hold my hand  
We'll say things we never had planned  
Then we'll get to know each other in a little while_

"Natsume," I turned around. It was my dad. "This place is forbidden for visitors. It has patients who are extremely ill and terminally ill"

"I don't care" I replied.

"I had a meeting with the doctors"

"What did they say?"

"It's either chemotherapy or a bone marrow transplant. It won't cure the cancer, but it would prolong her life for a few years"

A few years is not good enough, damn it.

"We'll contact any of Mikan's relatives or close friends. She said before that she doesn't want chemotherapy, so she'll have to go through the transplant"

"I'll donate" I said.

"What? You can't!"

"And why not…? You know, I haven't done something good for anyone for a long time – and this may be an opportunity to do so. She uses up life better than I do, damn it. I'm just wasting mine, at least when I die I know that I've done something good. I can stand the pain, for a person who survived a vehicle accident, I can survive this"

"You remember that?" My father looked extremely flabbergasted.

"Yeah, I do. My childhood memories were stored in the cupboard in my kitchen – and this girl lying down before me was my best friend…"

My dad fell silent.

"If anyone's going to donate bone marrow to her, it's going to be me. I don't care what the doctors think but I'm going to!" I yelled. I clenched my fists. This will ease the guilt.

"I'll speak to the doctors" he whispered and left the room. Mikan's eyes were wide open.

"Natsume, you don't have to…"

"OH SHUT UP!" I yelled at her.

_But for now let me say I love you  
Later on there'll be time for so much more  
But for now meaning now and forever  
Let me kiss you my darling then once more  
Once more_

"Just shut up right now" I said, then leaning down and kissed her. Her cheeks flushed into a color of carnation pink and she closed her eyes as I prolonged the kiss. I felt tears stream down her cheeks as she gave into the kiss.

_But for now let me say I love you  
Later on I must know much more of you  
But for now here and now how I love you  
As you are in my arms I love you  
I love you  
I love you_

XXX

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **Currently wiping away tears. Haha. 3 Hope you enjoyed CHAPTER 10. The end is near. Or could it be just the beginning? Heeheehee


	11. Epilogue

"_If anyone's going to donate bone marrow to her, it's going to be me. I don't care what the doctors think but I'm going to!" I yelled. I clenched my fists. This will ease the guilt._

XXX

Chapter Eleven

**EPILOGUE**

XXX

Mikan has been in the Cancer Center for a week now, and not getting any better. I was alone in the apartment, looking at the wall clock – waiting for the awaited day of my donation. I stared at the new cigarette box I bought the other day, and I sighed and tossed it in the trash bin.

I emptied my refrigerator that was filled with beer. I'm going to start all over.

I remembered the time I ran her over. That was a painful memory, and I hate it coming back to me every time I think of her. My trash can was now filled with full boxes of cigarettes and empty beer bottles.

All of a sudden, my cell phone rang. The caller was my dad. I answered it.

"Hello?"

"_Hello, Natsume. I spoke to the doctors" _

"Yeah? What did they say?"

"_They said yes" _

There was a pause between the two of us.

"_Are you sure you're up for it?" _

"How many times do I have to say: yeah??"

"_It's a painful process. They have to extract the bone marrow from your bones" _

"Yeah well, I don't care…when am I going to donate the bone marrow?"

"_Next week" _

Next week was too long. She was suffering, damn it. What if she passes away tonight? Next week isn't good enough.

"_Natsume, you have to check if there's a match between Mikan and your bone marrow" _my dad said, after a long pause. _"If there's no match, then I'm sorry. We'll have to look for somebody else" _

I turned off my cell phone.

Days passed, and luckily – my bone marrow had a match with hers. A week later, I was scheduled for the operation.

"Natsume," the doctor said, as I lay on the operation table – nervous but I could do this. I felt this was the debt I had to pay. Doctors surrounded me and different operating tools. The sound of the life support system put tension into my head. "We're going to put in the anesthesia". I nodded and saw them insert it in the oxygen tube. "We're going to count to ten, if you're still awake by ten – we'll have to do it without anesthesia" So what? I don't care.

1…

2…

3…

4…

5…

Blackness.

XXX

I woke up in a hospital bed, the sun was shining on my face. There was a nurse by my side and I had dextrose inserted in my palm.

"You got dehydrated. So we're hydrating you"

I nodded, I was so tired. I had a big headache and I felt like I haven't slept in days. "Where's she?" I asked.

"You mean Ms. Sakura?"

"Yeah"

"She's having her operation now"

"How long have I been in this room?"

"Two days. You were just sleeping, I guess the operation was too much for you. But it was successful"

Time passed, and I was starting to get nervous. How come the doctors haven't said anything to me? Damn it. I was getting impatient, a day later a doctor entered my hospital room. My stitches were healing by then and I was fully hydrated, but they still wanted to keep me in.

"Where's Mikan?" I asked.

He looked at me. WAS SHE DEAD?!?!? SHE DIDN'T MAKE IT?!?!!?

"Do you really want to know?"

XXX

_Four months later_

A banner laid on the restaurant wall: **SAKURA FUNERAL RECEPTION. **

"Natsume,". I turned around and smiled. "What?"

"Are you sad?"

"I don't even know the person" I smirked.

"Hey, tell you what – after this…let's go to the horseback riding place. I mean…this funeral of my grandfather is SO BORING"

"Yeah, sure"

Might you ask, who was I talking to?

She brought hope into the world. Regardless of leukemia, regardless of her blindness…yeah…

I was talking to **Mikan**.

She wasn't sick.

She wasn't sad.

She was still blind of course.

But she was mine.

XXX

**Fin **


End file.
